A fresh start

So it's been a long time since I've written. Since December I've horribly depressed. The shock wore off and I just cried constantly. Cried while driving to and from my rotations. Cried at rotations. Cried at supermarket. Cried in bed. Cried in the shower. Cried in the bathroom. Cried, cried, cried. My neighbors I'm sure think that I'm crazy, because for 3 months I almost always cried while walking Fritz.

Yet I'm proud too. Despite above I have been accomplishing things as well.

First I made it through 2 more rotations and am working on my last one. I've made some real progress on my project and am almost done with it for good.

I bought a new car. It's a 2010 Nissan Versa. It's silver and shiny. It has automatic locks. It has some real pick up and go. It's the cutest car ever! And I almost owe less on it than Seth's 2005 Scion. I will probably pay it off sooner than he will his too.

I applied for legal aid and they assigned me a lawyer since if I waited for Seth to start things, we will probably still be married by the time our 5th anniversary. I filled out and sent in the paperwork last week. This week I will hear back from him about finishing things up so that we can send it in. Hoping Seth will get served in 2 1/2 weeks and our divorce hearing will take place by early June.

I joined 2 groups on meetup.com and as a result I've been slowly working on getting out of the house. It's hard because my schedule changes so much due to rotations. But I keep plugging away at meeting new people. I keep suggesting outings with other people and one classmate has been so kind and keeps inviting to parties with others.

I started counseling and the counselor has a treatment plan to help me get better at relationships. He is having me work on my self esteem. He even said that I will probably notice a huge difference in my life in a couple months, which sounds wonderful.

I finally pulled myself together long enough to get serious about the job hunt. Crazy but I'm getting tons of interest. I'm hoping Walgreens makes me an offer on Tuesday.

It means that I will have to move to St. Louis, Missouri, but that actually seems pretty promising. Their district sounds great. The weather will be slightly warmer. My aunt is moving down to that same area. Stephanie's family is from there too and they are planning a visit to the area in December. I guess the city is really revitalizing and it has one of the largest populations of young graduates. I checked dating ads for the area and it sounds very promising. All and all it sounds like a fantastic place for me to get a fresh start.

Plus I'm working on my appearance. Dressing nicer. Learning to style my hair. I bought one of those fancy hair straighteners and it really works to get my hair super straight and not so frizzy. I've got some diet books and I just need to sit down and get what I need. In the mean time I've figured out a healthy breakfast to eat and generally eat healthy for lunch. I've been running bit more when the weather cooperates. I also plan to sign up for yoga classes and to get back into lifting weights. I'm going to try to run a 5k at the end of the month and I plan to run a 3 mile obstacle course in June. Need to think of a costume for it too. I plan to weight 139lbs by graduation in June.

I'm learning not to be so hard on myself. I try to take things one step at a time. I'm slowly improving myself over time and I'm slowly changing myself.

I'm not ready to date yet. I'm not sure if I ever will be. I friended Josh on facebook, but not sure if that was a mistake. I think he likes someone else or at least she seems interested in him since she comments on just about everything posts. Maybe this is just magical thinking, but after I friended him, he posted a ton of who, who wants to do this with me posts? Which he hasn't since then. Oh and I posted a just hanging out at home bored post and he posted something similar like an hour later.

Buuuut he is the same jerk face that ducked down in a movie theater once so people in our class wouldn't see him and that he was with me. You know since I wasn't cool enough. Wouldn't I rather start over with someone new? Someone who was worth my time and attention?

But right now I'm just focusing on myself.