Well we sort of worked things out. I told my husband how I really can't trust him that what he has been doing is not what I would have ever expected him to do and he looked really sad and then went off and played his video games.
We went to IKEA and yet again my husband tried to buy furniture that didn't match even though he knows how much I hate not having matching furniture. Also we spent way, way too much. But hey my husband has all this money so worries right?
I'm so fucking bitter. Everyone gets to be happy, but me. Everyone gets a baby, but me. Everyone works out and loses weight, but me. Everyone gets a hardworking husband who brings home the money, but me.
It just sucks to be surrounded by kids and babies and know that I will NEVER EVER get to have any of my own. I just know it. I never get anything that I want anyways.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
I'm still so mad
I'm still just absolutely fuming. My husband has the gall to be give me the silent treatment. You screwed up, bub. Not me. I don't just randomly decide not to the pay the electric bill let you get a shut off notice, which you handle and then act like well everything worked out you have no right to be mad.
I can't believe that he knew he was paying the car late and never breathed a word of it to me. I always let him know what is going on with the bills I'm responsible for. These late payments can show up on my credit report. We need my good credit, because he has ruined his.
Can I ever trust him? No I can't. This pattern has been going on too long. He sees it as well it was one late payment no big deal. Yeah except you lied to me about your truck being repossed, you went to the hospital and just ignored the bill, you forgot to pay the cable bill, you had money for all this crap, but no money for bills until I put my foot down, he couldn't get a bank account, because of another problem, he overdrew our account twice. He said he was transferring money without mentioning that he was raiding our savings. Said he would get a job and didn't apply anywhere for two months, cause school is sooo hard, but frequently went out for expensive lunches that he was more than happy to let his wife pay for. Sigh goodbye everything I worked hard for. I think of all the times I went without to save, pay down my credit card so he can just come along and decide that he is too good to work. Lies, lies, lie and false promises is all I get out of him.
He's a big worthless baby and I want nothing to do with him anymore. Really I would be so relieved if he just left me. I could clean up his mess and just move forward with my life. Am I better off without him? Sorry but the answer is yes.
I can't believe that he knew he was paying the car late and never breathed a word of it to me. I always let him know what is going on with the bills I'm responsible for. These late payments can show up on my credit report. We need my good credit, because he has ruined his.
Can I ever trust him? No I can't. This pattern has been going on too long. He sees it as well it was one late payment no big deal. Yeah except you lied to me about your truck being repossed, you went to the hospital and just ignored the bill, you forgot to pay the cable bill, you had money for all this crap, but no money for bills until I put my foot down, he couldn't get a bank account, because of another problem, he overdrew our account twice. He said he was transferring money without mentioning that he was raiding our savings. Said he would get a job and didn't apply anywhere for two months, cause school is sooo hard, but frequently went out for expensive lunches that he was more than happy to let his wife pay for. Sigh goodbye everything I worked hard for. I think of all the times I went without to save, pay down my credit card so he can just come along and decide that he is too good to work. Lies, lies, lie and false promises is all I get out of him.
He's a big worthless baby and I want nothing to do with him anymore. Really I would be so relieved if he just left me. I could clean up his mess and just move forward with my life. Am I better off without him? Sorry but the answer is yes.
my husband is a fucking idiot
Once again after a busy day of being productive I come home to find a letter from citifinancial saying that our account is overdue. So I call them up and find out that my husband paid them two weeks late and the next payment is due in 4 days and I know he didn't pay it yet. So I agree to pay it over the phone since they said they would waive me the phone fee.
Of course it was a bunch of lies and they charged me the whole fee, the fucking crooks. So now I'm super pissed.
Oh and Seth and I haven't spoken in two days and I don't plan to speak to him again until he apologizes. I want my name off this car. And we clearly do not have money for a Chicago trip either so he needs to let his brother know. So I have to e-mail him.
I'm so so pissed right now. I'm really thinking that I have just had my fill of his shit and that I'm done. A reasonable person does not have to deal with this shit all the time.
Of course it was a bunch of lies and they charged me the whole fee, the fucking crooks. So now I'm super pissed.
Oh and Seth and I haven't spoken in two days and I don't plan to speak to him again until he apologizes. I want my name off this car. And we clearly do not have money for a Chicago trip either so he needs to let his brother know. So I have to e-mail him.
I'm so so pissed right now. I'm really thinking that I have just had my fill of his shit and that I'm done. A reasonable person does not have to deal with this shit all the time.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
keep going
We are dwindling down to 2 years until TTC. I only have 1 quarter left of classes. I picked out my rotations and I feel like I got some good ones that I'm excited about. Despite the 2010 snowpocolyse, the sun is shining now and I feel like Spring is on its way. So while snowed in at my mom's I found out that she is going to quit her full time job to watch my niece for free. So I was very excited; maybe we can move our TTC date up? But then I remembered; oh yeah, crappy childhood. Well actually my childhood was very nice except when I was alone with my mom. Still I was torn. She's so great with Evie. She was never cruel to me when I was that young as I can remember. I have a pretty good memory even at a young age. But then I think that's crazy to even think of risking exposing my child to someone that I cannot completely trust. Kind of like saying well this child molester never molested a 2 year old only 7 years old, so they would be okay to watch a 2 year old.
Thank goodness I wrote in my last diary that I would never trust her to be alone with my kids. I'm taking that to heart and am not moving up when we try for a baby. I'm not that desperate. But it does worry me that she is going to be my niece's full time caregiver; my brother did not have the same experiences I did? Do I give him and my sister-in-law a clearer heads up? Do I leave it alone? Would they even believe me? Am I being over-dramatic over a few minor instances? It would be so uncomfortable. Plus my mom's and our relationship has been the best it's ever been and I risk ruining that. But then when it comes to my niece's safety; I guess it will be worth it.
Thank goodness I wrote in my last diary that I would never trust her to be alone with my kids. I'm taking that to heart and am not moving up when we try for a baby. I'm not that desperate. But it does worry me that she is going to be my niece's full time caregiver; my brother did not have the same experiences I did? Do I give him and my sister-in-law a clearer heads up? Do I leave it alone? Would they even believe me? Am I being over-dramatic over a few minor instances? It would be so uncomfortable. Plus my mom's and our relationship has been the best it's ever been and I risk ruining that. But then when it comes to my niece's safety; I guess it will be worth it.
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