My husband the wrecking ball

So here I am actually letting myself be excited that I might finally get to have my dream of having children actually come true. I've been working hard to pay off my credit card debt so that I can start a maternity fund. I started exercising, going to doctors. All the years I worked to get into pharmacy school and actually getting through pharmacy school. I had a countdown page to day that I worked so hard for.

Well what an idiot I am! Of course nothing I ever want actually happens. A romantic proposal? Ha! Nope my idiot boyfriend proposes at my work, and he doesn't even bother to say anything like I don't know, "I love you." or something. "Hey you were going to break up with me if I didn't propose and I don't think I can do better so I bought you this ring. I wish you had let me buy a ring at Kohl's but instead I had to buy an oh so expensive ring that cost almost as much as a computer or a plane ticket to Alaska that I thought nothing of buying myself, but the cost of your engagement ring, I'm going to bitch about for two months. Even though you picked out an engagement ring in a price range that got me laughed out of several stores and I regularly spend more than that on myself in a single day without thinking about it, I'm still going to bitch about how poor I am, because it never occurred to me in the nearly 5 years of dating to actually set some money aside for your ring. Will you marry me?"

So now that I can actually see us trying for children in a little more than 2 years and he comes out with well I'm going for a 5 year program now. Really? You're days away from 31 and you want to do a 5 year program? So of course I'm devastated since it's bad enough that he decided to do this 4 year program. I sort of feel like saying "You know what dude? Too little, too late!". That's the consequences of sitting on your ass for four years and talking about going to school. Too bad there isn't a degree in that as you would have already graduated!

So now the 4 year program is back on as I basically had a melt down. Unfortunately the only 4 year teaching schools are private schools that cost an arm and a leg to go to. Of course this was a complete shock to Seth as he has done zero to none research about his program. Well naturally upon learning this news, he has immediately busted his ass trying to find a job so he can start saving up so money to help pay these expensive two years. Oh wait, he has applied to one job and forgot to pick up an application to another place twice, but he spent about 20 hours playing Lord of the Rings since then. Yeah nearly two months unemployed and he's applied to about 10 places. Ridiculous. You can whine about the economy all you want, but a magic genii isn't about to float down a rainbow and hand you a job on a silver platter. You can't get a job if you aren't applying anywhere. Of course anytime he gets any sort of positive feedback, he takes it as he has gotten the job immediately and stops applying for 3 weeks. I'm sorry, but I've been down this path before with him and it's just laziness. He only applys for a job or two if I nag him and then he stops. I end up resenting and not respecting him, because in my eyes a real man would be doing everything he can to take care of his family and he is just doing enough to get by without me getting mad at him.

Unfortunately we are heading for yet another what I like to call, "Come to Jesus talks" where I basically call him out on his bullshit. He apologizes and changes, which is promising, buuttt then he does something else where it just shows a lack of maturity. Really should I have to point out the obvious, which is you are 30 years old, you need to get a job, you need to apply for jobs to get one? I really shouldn't. You know what, mostly I'm tired. Tired of being the only grownup in the room.

He talks about having a house, a farm, an earthship, kids, but to him it's just talk. I actually want those things and I do everything I can to get it.