Less than two years

It's now less than two years until we start trying for a baby. I was excited to cross that milestone, because it means that each day that I only have to go through that day one more time childless and not even trying for children.

My savings are going well. I'm almost at a $1000, which is great. I would be closer, but I've stupidly put all my important papers in a paper bag and I think Seth threw it out. Of course he would never admit this and I can't know for 100% sure. I wish he would just be honest with me so that I knew instead of searching all over the place for these papers, but I know he has no problems lying to me so I can't take his word for it either that he never saw those papers. Pretty dumb of me to put these papers in a bag, because it did look like trash. Sigh yet another disaster in the Jackson household.

Speaking of which, our dryer broke and we apparently need to buy a new television for our downstairs. It's hard to have company and no television. Of course I thought we would have a chance to fix it this week while they stayed with Seth's parents, but we found out when they arrived that they planned to spend two weeks with us. Ugh. They couldn't have figured this out in advance.

At least Adam's girlfriend is nice. It's weird to see him being all lovey. Kind of makes me laugh a little. She talks non-stop about her dad and apparently he pays for everything for her, which as someone who's been an adult for a long time is weird to me.

Kind of makes me miss those early days when Seth and I were so loving. I've really lost some respect for him over the years and he's broken my trust by lying to me. I just feel like all we do is wade through crap and we barely get through one thing before another hits us. I hate feeling like I can't trust him that I have to check up on him all the time, but everytime I trust him, he betrays that trust. So how can I trust him now? After seven years if he hasn't changed then why would I expect him to change now?

I feel like I'm such a low priority to him that he bends over backwards to please relative strangers, but won't go out of his way to please me. Like for my birthday and Valentine's day, he didn't even get me anything. Ok he finally showed up with a Valentine's gift when I was hurt he didn't get me anything and he did show up with a "gift" for my birthday a week late. A dvd he got out of the bargain bin. He whines about being broke again, but there is always a couple dollars to buy those fruity selzsers every day and he had no problem buying a dvd, because his friend wanted to see it. He can find the money for anyone else, but for me? Sorry I'm broke. Yet look how much money he is spending on his brother!

I guess I just don't get it. He supposely loves me, but he is unwilling to do anything on his own for our future. I already figured out that like everyone else I just can't count on him.