keep going

We are dwindling down to 2 years until TTC. I only have 1 quarter left of classes. I picked out my rotations and I feel like I got some good ones that I'm excited about. Despite the 2010 snowpocolyse, the sun is shining now and I feel like Spring is on its way. So while snowed in at my mom's I found out that she is going to quit her full time job to watch my niece for free. So I was very excited; maybe we can move our TTC date up? But then I remembered; oh yeah, crappy childhood. Well actually my childhood was very nice except when I was alone with my mom. Still I was torn. She's so great with Evie. She was never cruel to me when I was that young as I can remember. I have a pretty good memory even at a young age. But then I think that's crazy to even think of risking exposing my child to someone that I cannot completely trust. Kind of like saying well this child molester never molested a 2 year old only 7 years old, so they would be okay to watch a 2 year old.

Thank goodness I wrote in my last diary that I would never trust her to be alone with my kids. I'm taking that to heart and am not moving up when we try for a baby. I'm not that desperate. But it does worry me that she is going to be my niece's full time caregiver; my brother did not have the same experiences I did? Do I give him and my sister-in-law a clearer heads up? Do I leave it alone? Would they even believe me? Am I being over-dramatic over a few minor instances? It would be so uncomfortable. Plus my mom's and our relationship has been the best it's ever been and I risk ruining that. But then when it comes to my niece's safety; I guess it will be worth it.